Peaks and Valleys…

I’ve been told by many friends and read many accounts of the recovery process from Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). I also read lots about the lead up to GCS, the surgery, the pain, etc. but nothing really compares to actually living it.

I knew about the removal from hormones and possible results such as hot flashes, anxiety and even aggression/anger. I knew about the pain of the surgery, the excitement of being complete, the annoying constipation. Somethings I thought I was ready for…then realized I wasn’t prepared, like the day the bandages came off…what I saw was unrecognizable….for a moment I was scared.

Even now, many trans women experience highs and lows during recovery…and I’ve known it was possible I’d experience them too. I am. I’m currently in a valley…I can see the beautiful sun and green grass over the next peak, warmth and comfort just a short distance away…requiring just a little effort and endurance to get there.

What I’ve realized is that I need to stay here for a while in the valley…I need to heal, rest and gather my strength for next climb to the next peak. Today I’m not ready…yesterday proved that to me. I climbed too high and too fast, falling deeper into the valley.

I’ll be fine, I won’t quit. I knew this was possible, but I never experienced it. I’m learning more about myself and my life through every day and every event.

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